Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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