Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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