So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
