party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
