Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
