I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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