too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize