she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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