Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
