she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
