sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize