oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
