Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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