can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
