we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
