The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
