Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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