i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
