its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
