chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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