so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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