have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
