Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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