My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
