I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
