my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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