he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize
