you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
