there's paper in my vomit.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
