Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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