don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize