Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
