is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
