He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
