Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize