he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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