I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
