Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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