It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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