I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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