my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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