Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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