Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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