My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
