I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
