69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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