I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
