I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
