She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
