words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
