yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
