Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
