I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
