You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
