Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
