I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize