This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I just put wine in my tea
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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