I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
