the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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