dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dignity is for republicans.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
