just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
