Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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