Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
