You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How's work?
Spinning.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
