Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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