I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
