i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
