I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize