i just wanna soil my oats bro
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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